Chapter 10 - It's the Small Things That Can Kill You! - New Information

                                            Chapter 10 – New Information

The next day, I was sitting next to Fenton in our Men’s Anxiety Treatment Group at the church.

“You said that you had the stuttering under control George. What happened?” Fenton’ voice was rather monotone, but his body language seemed to communicate real empathy for George’s problem.

“I did not ssss-say that.” George was usually very articulate but when under larger than usual amounts of stress he would stutter.

George was an artist. One of the few who was highly successful in the Chicago area. Manfred joked a lot with George. He called him an aging hippie and George playfully called Manfred an aging jock. They both had anxiety issues, but when George had anxiety, he often would become creatively paralyzed and couldn’t work. The longer he let the problem go the more intensely he would worry about loss of income or the possibility of losing his ‘creative spark’ permanently.

I had seen George’s artwork. I’m not an expert but if I had the money I would invest in a few pieces. George is versatile. He makes beautiful abstract acrylic paintings, but also does metal sculptures.

Today George was dressed as usual. He was wearing heavily patched and mended blue jeans, a tie-dyed tank top and army surplus fatigue shirt with a McGovern 72 pin. His long brown wavy hair was streaked with grey.

“You did say that. You said it the first Monday of last month right before we concluded our session.” Fenton continued. Fenton had a somewhat annoying ability to remember almost everything George and the others said in group therapy and when they said it. Dr. Knivens called it an eidetic memory.

“You said that you used marijuana to deal with the anxiety if it got too overwhelming and it was still effective. But now the stuttering is back.”

“Fenton, please give George some space to express himself. You’re practically talking over him. Did you realize that you sometime do that when George is experiencing problems?” Dr. Walter Knivens intervened.

“No, I guess I didn’t.” Fenton replied.

“You are quite right about what George said and when he said it but you interrupted George. This is the way your anxiety about George manifests. Do you know why you are experiencing anxiety for George right now.” Walter scratched his beard briefly.

“I don’t want him to have stress because…” Then Fenton fell silent. He looked at the floor. Then he said, “Because I can feel his anxiety and it ramps mine up.”

“Yes, it does. Please look at George and tell him that.” Fenton struggled to lift his head and look at George.  “George, I’m not blaming you, but when you stutter, I know the anxiety is pretty bad and I don’t want you to be anxious, I want you to feel calm.”

“Why Fenton?” George asked.

“Fenton. You need to say this to George. It is important. Can you say why?” Walter asked.

Fenton tensed for a moment and then bobbed his head. “I guess because I care about you and I’ve connected with you, but it is also because I care about you that I can feel your anxiety,  and I want it to stop because it bothers me. It triggers my own anxiety, I mean.”

George nodded back as if he understood. “Fenton, I feel like hugging you right now, but I won’t because I know it would make you uncomfortable.

Walter looked at George. “George, do you have some new stressors that you are not ready to talk about in group? George hung his head and nodded.

Okey Dokey. See me after this session and I’ll discuss starting you on a low dosage of valium. Marijuana is sometimes effective but George, it is also illegal. I can write you a prescription. I would hate to see you get arrested.” Walter turned to the rest of us. “Great work today. We are going to take a twenty-minute break. I need to talk to Mike about something that happened to him last night and step outside to stretch and a smoke.” 

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I walked over to Fenton. “That was a brave thing you just did in group. I like George too. Sometimes I feel his anxiety, sort of like you do, I guess. Did acknowledging it help any?”

“Too early to say, I suppose.” Fenton acted a little withdrawn. This was typical for him after a session. I usually felt just the opposite. An hour of interaction with the group loosens me up and I become chatty.

“Do you think Mikey is going to tell Dr. Knivens about what happened in the diner last night.” Fenton asked.

“I hope so. I don’t know if I’m ready to or not. It was borderline shady and I’m still not certain if we handled it correctly. Plus, we both could have been shot by a four-year-old. That bothered me…a lot.” I confessed.

“Are you even going to tell your dad?” Fenton kicked at a dandelion that was growing on the church lawn.

“I won’t have to. I know Lisa probably already has.” I wiped some sweat from my forehead and out of my eyes. It was still unseasonably warm for the month of September. “So, I noticed that Roger wasn’t in group today.” I said slowly, as if to indicate that I was fishing for more information.

“Nope. Sure wasn’t.” Fenton sighed. “Are you going to the game this evening. The Warriors are playing the Tigers, and I have the night off at the library.” Fenton worked part-time at the local library four nights a week”

“I’m taking Clara, but sure, you can bum a ride. I said slightly irritated.

“Look, you told me that you saw someone in our group with a gun the other day. You told me that Dr. Knivens removed him. It was Roger, right?” I looked away as I spoke.

“No. It was Mikey. Dr. Knevins told me this morning that Mikey decided to ‘come clean’ about it. He thought he was being stalked. Knevins said he had a permit to carry a concealed weapon. He used to be a cop, remember.”

“So, he let him back in the group?” I said in disbelief.

“Provided he doesn’t bring a gun into group again, yes.”

“Does he know that you snitched on him.” I asked cautiously.

“No.” Fenton said flatly.

“No? So, he could think that anyone of us squealed on him! How is that going to build group trust?”

“He told me that Mikey believes he noticed it.  It’s credible. Dr. Knivens doesn’t miss much.” Fenton seemed okay with this solution.

I wasn’t. This new information was disturbing to me. I now know that Dr. Knivens is capable of lying to his clients. I needed some time to kick this around.